Every year I have this little ritual I do from maybe December 27 through January 1. It’s actually probably quite silly, but I’ve been doing this for the past, let’s say, 15 years. You see, every year, I found that I really needed to find out how my whole year would turn out. Yes, that's right, each year, I would browse endlessly through my yearly Libra horoscope. Not just one horoscope, but as many Libra horoscopes I could place my eyes on. I just had to find out what my life and year would be like holistically, plus love, career, money, and health. I’m not even quite sure if I even believed these horoscopes encompassed any sort of reality, but I do believe in the sun, the moon, and the stars above. There is a special magic in the universe and maybe just maybe, the magic will appear in my life for that particular year. It’s this natural fascination I have and it’s fun to explore and manifest what’s to come. Not to mention, it was also so incredibly validating when the horoscope makers would acknowledge the challenges and triumphs that went on the year before. Regardless, I love this and it’s a piece of me. However, this really got me thinking. Here, I was letting the universe plan my annual year in review. Then I realized, hey, what about my intention for the year?
It is now 2020! YES!!!! So excited!!!! I used to be one that made resolutions, but I’m pretty sure I never kept them. I gave them all an authentic good try, but after a while, it just became exhausting and unrealistic. I’m not here to shame anyone on resolutions, but I realized, I did enjoy having a goal of some sort. As of last year, I decided to take a different approach and work on a theme or a word. I was inspired by a fellow friend, writer, and speaker who lived “audaciously” in 2019 and focused on “better” in 2020. I loved it.
As I thought long and hard about my word or theme, the perfect word came to me. In 2019, I worked on becoming more vulnerable. Urban Dictionary defined vulnerable quite amazingly.
“Someone who is completely and rawly open, unguarded with their heart, mind, and soul...”
The definition continued. I had some major scars and wounds that left me raw in 2017 and 2018. I never talked about what was going on. I just held onto this pain because I was ashamed to share the inner workings of me and the part that had become flawed. I needed light and love and hope. Instead, I sat in silence, letting the fear and hurt fester inside. So, after seeing this inspiration from this friend, it was time to release what I was holding onto ever so tightly. I began sharing my story with those I could trust with my emotions.
Now, the true test of sharing the word you picked from last year is if you can actually act upon it and share the following year. As I’m writing this, I know I’m about to share my website publicly and the whole world will hear my story. Last year, I began going to school so I could become a certified coach. During my first in-class mod, we were asked to have a family member or friend share the word that would characterize us best. I picked my hubby to hit me hard with this magic word. His word was “brave”. Oh my, was I really brave? As I thought about this, slightly proud, I realized, oh my gosh, yes, I am brave! I’m so brave! I’m strong and adventurous, I take risks, and I go after life as if I am the master of my destiny. That, my sweet honeybees, is what we call brave!
Now that I can honestly admit I am brave, it’s time to share my story. In 2017, I was diagnosed with infertility. This was earth shattering to me. After a few doctor’s appointments, I knew I had an uphill battle. By December 2017, I miraculously became pregnant. Unfortunately, I miscarried shortly after. I never could talk about infertility because in all actuality, it’s kind of negative. I mean that word is catabolic in nature. I later chose to refer to this condition as “delayed fertility”. However, did you know one in eight couples experience infertility? Moreover, one in four pregnancies will result in miscarriage. It’s astonishing and somehow, we don’t talk about the truth or share that we may be part of this staggering statistic. I learned I could talk about the miscarriage easier than the delayed fertility, and finally I was able to release some of that sadness. Then, it happened, I found my themed word. That was it, it was time to be more vulnerable and share my experience.
Throughout 2019, I watched Brene Brown’s “The Power of Vulnerability” and “Listening to Shame”, enrolled in iPec’s coaching school, and talked more openly with friends and family. It was a journey. It was deep rooted fear to share, but it has turned out to be the best thing I could do for myself. I began receiving love and support, I was able to give myself space and grace, I started healing, and I learned people honestly wanted to be supportive and help in any way possible. Vulnerability turned out to be a gift.
I also found myself vulnerable again with starting my own coaching practice. Believe it or not, I was scared to put my name out there in the world. Sweet Honeybee is special to me. You see, my mom and dad named me this great name, Melissa, that also meant “honeybee”. Furthermore, the famous Allman Brothers created this song, “Sweet Melissa” in which when I bartended, several of my regulars used to play this song every time they came to see me. So, you see, here we have, “Sweet Honeybee”. It’s all sort of special and magical. If that’s not enough, honeybee symbolism is all about of sweetness, communication, authenticity, work ethic, healing, energy, fertility, collaboration, etc.
Today, I leap giantly in the world I have imagined for myself and I pass that final exam around my own vulnerability. So... drumroll please... the next word for this year is... Intention. In 2020, I start my coaching and consulting business, I practice mindfulness, I concentrate on the things I can control and I let go of the things I can’t, I hone in all my inner honeybee qualities, and I live a life where I am strong, confident, vulnerable, and brave.
Back to that little story at the beginning. Although, I truly love reading my yearly horoscope in which 2020 is going to be pure awesomeness... 😊 this time, I take ownership of the direction I want my life to move.
My 2020 vision is intentionally setting the vision that my dreams will come to reality, I am embracing sweetness, letting go of all control, believing in endless possibilities, and becoming my best authentic self.
So, honeybees! What’s your 2020 Vision?